WoT:PbP VI Dream a lil dream of me...

Called in 'sick' today. I was dying, yes, dying on my death bed, ignore the sunburn and the new haircut, death is calling me so I had to drive around to see my last sights before death takes me...or something in bikinis.

As we last left our helpless Wolfboy Perrin in the clutches of dreams he is seeing people dying in the them and the wolves are telling him "Um hey there fellow with a hair colored yellow, what you trying to prove?" when he starts nosing around in peoples dreams. He meets up with Lanfear, but of course he doesn't know who she is, and then the wolves bite him in the balls to get him to wake up. He then sees that he is coated in blood and checks his pants, yup Mr. Winkey is still in one piece, but we all know he doesn't know how to use that. He then tries to go back to sleep and not dream, but once again he nods off to nightmares. Hasn't anyone ever invented Ye Old Crank or Magic Crysal Meth yet?

We find that Rand has learned how to channel better now, practices on obliterating a dog into atoms. He giggles like a 7 yr old after discovering that sticking cats in microwaves==fun times. He then rants about heading to Tyr, where his purty sword is so that he can RULE THE WORLD! and such. He's walking not riding now, who the fuck knows why he does that. Prolly this who taveren thingy that makes all the horses go insane if he touches them or something. Overall, Rand's on his way to becoming the next Sociopathic Ruler of the World v 2.0. Calligula would be proud!

We cut on over to the ladies travelling to the White Tower. Egwane, Nynaeve, Verrin, Elayne accompanying Matt, who is about dead, and Hurron who'd rather be anywhere but there as they keep checking out his ass but he keeps telling them that he had eyes only for Ingtar, the Shainarans are close we know. They get stopped by a group of Klansman White Cloaks who think that 4 women is too good a chance to but them bitches back in the kitchen where they belong Souther Style! So when the leader approaches who is Dain Bornhold, son of the guy who led the cavalry charge against the Seanchan in the last book (picture custer leading his charge against Sherman tanks) tries to get them to cowheel to his needs, Egwane blasts out with a "NEVER BE CAPTURE AGAIN!" and causes volcanic earth gysers to appear scattering them. Of course Verrin is pissed as she coulda talked them out of it and Egwane give Dain the whole schpeal of "We came from Phalma, we saw much, your daddy was there?" and Dain gets to carve them a new one while Verrin looks like she's about to throw the girls in a sack and drown them. I would, woulda saved a helluva lot of time to kill one to have the others learn a lesson, but I'm a cruel teacher. They ride on thinking they did nothing wrong, ahh the folly of stupid women in fantasy novels.

OH! and we have found the source and starting point of Nynaeve's hair pulling. She sits there on her fucking horse, PULLING ON HER FUCKING BRAID! DAY IN AND OUT THATS ALL SHE DOES PULL ON HER FUCKING BRAID BECAUSE SHE IS NERVOUS OR MAD OR WANTS TO LOB OFF HER HEAD! I post in caps because I remember the later books and she does it ALL THE FUCKING TIME and it drives me batshit. WHY? Because for some unholy reason it makes her mad and able to channel, like giving Wally Cleaver a shotgun and telling him "It's ok to kill Beaver, he's a naughty lil boy, the other kids too." I know I am not alone in this.

At Tar Vallon Egwane, Nynaeve, and Elayne all get asigned to lockdown as they can't keep their fucking mouths shut. Why must all the women want to prattle on about everything. So Verrin goes and sees Suon Sanchay, not to be cofused with the Nazi Seanchan, I think RJ decided that he like the name and tried to squeeze it into both and his wife forgot to edit it.

New Sub-Character:

Suon Sanchay: Leader of the Aes Sedai/Amarylon/HBIC. She grew up fishing and was her daddy's first 'mate' on board his ship, she talks on and on about fish references and sailing terms. Suprised she doesn't shout "YAR!" allot. I know I would. She's relevant as she leads the Aes Lesbians into the next coming of Christ..I mean the Dragon Reborn era.

So Verrin relates her tale to Suon about Rand being Jesus and gonna blowup the world and that he fought Satan overhead in the battle of Phalma and that everyone is rallying behind him now. Suon then informs Verrin that "a fisher king nips at the pikefish throughout the net of the river trout YAR!" which equates to "I already know that bitch, gimme something I can workwith". So the other False Dragons are captured or killed on the same day that Rand declared he was the Dragon Reborn 2k4 and all is inline with their plans to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Suon goes on about her information explaing that "Lionfish in the dens of Netcatchers tear apart boats and paddles like they were seaweed! YAR!" and tells Verrin that she wants to deal with the 3 'runaways' (oh lord) now. I sense 30 pages of crying, weeping, hugging, and then lesbian makeup sex with Suon in a Wetsuit with a Buoy shaped dildo telling Nynaeve, Elayne, and Egwane "Avast there hard to starboard! Shove the keelhaul in the gangplank! Yar!"