WoT:PbP VIII

Big update, went home late, too tired to post, hope I remember all the shit that went down...how can I forget the braid tugging....


Nynaeve and Egwene head back to their cells after being dismissed from Sheriam's sight. When going back to their rooms they stop by Elayne to check in on her. They find her there with her brother Gawyn and her half-brother Galad.

Sub-Characters:

Gawyn: Elaynes' full brother by way of his mother Queen of Andor. Decent boy, slightly mischievous, seems a normal fellow really. Probably eats live bats and burns babies alive in his free time but for now he's got a hard on for Egwene. He is next in line to be Prince-General-Commander-Fuhrer of the Armies of Andor. He's gotta be about 18-20 age like the rest of the people surrounding Egwene. Training to be a Warder.

Galad: Ahhhh this guy, I hate this fucker on principle alone. He's a goody tooshoes, no not just because he does 'right', but because he ALWAYS does 'right'. He would tell on you for taking a biscuit to feed your starving baby as you were a robber and betrayer of the 'light' or some such nonsense. He's the pretties prince of the whole land and all the women go back to night and pray to be buggered by him. Secretly he likes seeing boys naked and rubbing his body down with Axel grease and then pretending he is a giant gerbil in 4-way gay enema session, but he keeps that bottled up by doting on Egwene. This goes to prove my point that Egwene is either a cocktease or a whore, take your pick. Another training to be a Warder.


Both of them are pissed off that Elayne torn out of the White Tower without telling them, mother scolded them pretty badly and promised to take away their toys if they didn't find Elayne. So they inquire about helping them out, Nynaeve gives them the Stone Cold Staredown and they get the hint after she promises to show everyone where Gawyn goes at nite to find birds to torture and Galad's obsession with the men's bath houses. Egwene and Nynaeve then go into great detail to Elayne about helping out hunt down the Black Ajah after the Amarylin told them "Don't tell anyone or I'll kill you." But who said that the women in this story were bright? In walks Elaida, the red sister who consuls Elayne's mom and questions them, but they don't tell her jack shit and Sheriam busts in on their session with a summons down to where they are healing Matt.

Now while they are walking down there, Sheriam tells them sternly "Don't say anything, Don't try to help, Don't even attempt to interfere with this as you can kill him." So they get dragged down into the bowels of the White tower and see Matt on a table and a bunch of powerful women surrounding him. The 'healing' begins and Matt starts garbling in what appears to be a mixture of Spanish, Haitian, and Ebonics ranting and raving about "Kill all Aes Sedai, no meat for an Aes Sedai!" So what do the 'girls' think about this? Oh they all whisper about 'saving' him from this as he is in soooooo much pain. Gah! Cane them all and teach them to be disciplined and not trying to butt in all the fucking time! So he's healed and the women all want to go over and hug and hold him but the Aes Sedai shoo them off rolling their eyes at them for being morons.

Matt wakes up and has a vision that he was a big ole General leading an army charging down the hill slaughtering Trollocks. He seems to think that he remembers this too well every though the only time he had to fight was when his sister wouldn't give it up like his Da told him she would. Bitch had too black eyes for being reminded twice! He's hungry and he devours food while wondering where he is and he's in the White Tower he rationalizes by all the white stone (go figure!) and in comes Suon the Amarylin. She questions him and he plays dumb and says "I don't want to be a meat puppet for the Aes Sedai!" Suon gives him the ole "Don't be a snook weeding through the reeds while evading the lionfish! YAR!" speech and he agrees that she's right and he blushes, blushes, blushes. Can't we get something besides reddening instead of blushing? Can't we say "Matt is so pissed off at her that his face reddens with the sheer thought of ripping off her head and moutning it on a spear"? Go along way to making these boys seem like anything besides the next 'Men Who Blush!' cover story on Vogue. She tells him that he can't go far as his name and face are plastered over town and that appears to cramp his style.

I might start trying to picture Matt as a Gangsta next time so that when he says "Blood and Bloody ashes!" it would sound like "Shiiit nigga!" or "MuthaFucka fuckin' fucka!" and prolly picture him with the 2-pac bandanna around the head, but is he a Blood or a Crypt? Going for Blood here as it's all about the Blood in being a "2 Riva's Soldah!"


So Matt bitches about his life being all done in by the Aes Seadai and controlled and manipulated and [insert Rand-like bitchfest here about women ruling their lives] and starts hatching a plot to get the fuck outta there.


[NOTE: This parts a lil hazy as I hadn't had my coffee this AM and I might be missing something, but it's probably another braid-pulling session or male-whinefest or perhaps Suon putting on a bridle and harness on Verrin and shouting "YIPPIE KAY AY AY!" while hanging fish guts as a hair weave.]

Egwene is summoned to Verrin's studies so wanders off down the hallway of the insane builder of the Brown Ajah's hall. Looks like Alfred Hitchcock designed it as it's all rambling and passages going off this way and that and just goes to prove that the Brown is either the most insane or the laziest. Too busy filming the next "Aes Sedai Gone Wild 2k4!" video apparently. Egwene goes in and Verrin asks her about her dreamwalker abilities. Egwene blushes (As if we didn't see this coming) and then tells her what she knows. Verrin gives her a stone [cock]ring and tells her to wear that to help her in her abilities to dreamwalk. Sheriam comes in and hurries off Egwene for her final testing to be Accepted.

Egwene goes down to the hellhole that is the Accepted proving grounds. Personally I would've thought it was some great area to see how long Egwene could be paddled for by all the Aes Sedai while they are in their robes and nighties chanting prayers to the "GREAT WHITE LIGHT!" but instead she must go through 3 arches which test for "What Was, what Is, what Will Be." First test Egwene goes through after being stripped down naked, no it does happen I swear, she sees her life as a Trailer house wife breeding out for Rand's brood while he goes insane. She of course wants to pop out babies by the dozen and so when Ran flips out and she sees the way to go back she has to go back weeping. Darn, guess she misses the White Trash existence. Door #2: Egwene views the Andorian capital in ruins and she sees Rand trapped under a mound of rubble. She says she can help him but she needs help and he says "Bitch Kill me pleassse I luuuvvvv YOU!" and he tries to get a dagger to stab himself in the heart, again he's insane. She sees the portal and flees weeping [sensing a pattern here? Rand goes nuts Egwene weeps, someone was watching allot of episodes of Cops while writing this].

Portal #3 to come!